Not Me! Monday


I’m trying something new for me that my daughter has been doing for months on her blog,

This should be easy for me, since I have been shirking my motherhood duties and thus adversely affecting the psyches of eight children for almost 30 years.  I have been there, done that, and nothing surprises me anymore.  I have thrown away poopy underpants in a discount store bathroom when a toddler had an “accident”, peeled children’s tongues off the freezer ice at the grocery store, run to the bathroom to rinse a child’s eye’s out after they sprayed perfume in them, filed an incident report in a store when a particularly clumsy daughter ran into a glass door. I nursed 8 children for a total of 18 years, had children vomit on me more times than I can count and for a period of 11 months let a daughter carry bags of cat food around everywhere as her “pet.”    

Here goes my first litany of “not me” moments from this past week:

I am not the woman who sat at a kitchen table this weekend with her hot cup of tea and a frozen fig newton and bit down, only to wonder what the heck was in said cookie. I did not imagine that it was a large fig seed or piece of metal. I did not spit it into my hand and wonder momentarily what factory worker lost their tooth in the newton mix.  It was not me, a moment later, realizing that I had broken my own tooth off at the gum line on a cookie!

Nope, not me going to the dentist this afternoon to see what can be done.  And definitely NOT ME falling apart at age 50.

It was not me, the 17-year-veteran homeschooler, who abandoned all hope of getting anything done this morning and took the kids to my sister’s consignment store 75% off sale. Granted, there was plenty of math involved, figuring out the actual price of each item, but I would never spend a morning shopping instead of doing schoolwork with the kids.

It was not me who stopped at a Hardees for breakfast, despite the fact that one of my New Year’s resolutions was (is) to eat healthier.

And finally, it is definitely NOT ME who microwaved some Weight Watcher’s meals I got on sale with coupons for the KID’s lunch today, since I never made it to the grocery store.

How about you?  How is your Monday, and what “didn’t” you do?

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